And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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