so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
