Jerry, you need to find god
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
