Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
