like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i drank out of a bidet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
