I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
