party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
