please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
