Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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