True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He passed out mid-signature
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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