I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never joke about your clitoris.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
