I just cut my nipple shaving
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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