i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
