I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
