Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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