I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Farmville is her only friend.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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