Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
