i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
