you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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