just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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