You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
