Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What a dumb baby whore.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
