How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
