You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
