lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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