Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
