You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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