Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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