You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
