In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
