Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
