he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
