youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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