I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
