Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize