just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
