I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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