we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
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I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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