WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i think my cat just said my name.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
