I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A+ Viking dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
