So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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