margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
