a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
