He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And then he peed in my hair
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