he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i think im in europe. pls send help
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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