Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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