Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I die, sorry about rent.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
