On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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