I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
