I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
