Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
