I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
