Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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