Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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