I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
