I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
