I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
